Catholic Life Ministries

By Lori Fontana

As Robert is presenting his ideas for a revitalization of Sunday Mass, I’d like to propose the rejuvenation of the family meal. I think there is a parallel here – Sunday Mass is the meal of our faith community, to encourage and build up our faith family. The family meal nourishes each of us, body and soul.

The fast pace of modern life has eroded the family meal. Long hours at work or school; rushing here and there for a myriad of hobbies or extracurricular activities; pressure to do more, see more, work more, play more – there just aren’t enough hours in the day! The pandemic may have slowed our pace of life temporarily, but I have the sense that in 2022, we’re revving back up to speed and perhaps moving even faster because of being pent up during Covid.

The family meal requires planning and commitment. It requires coordination of schedules, give and take, patience, compromise, compassion, and first and foremost, TIME!…which is in very short supply these days. It’s hard to get buy-in from all family members. There will always be something else to do, somewhere else to be, for at least one person in the family. But I think the effort to eat together is so valuable that it is worth the hassle of making it a family priority. Parents, your kids probably won’t jump for joy if you require them to be at a nightly meal. But press on; persevere. The rewards are worth it.

A report in Child Health News, October, 2011, states that with as few as three family meals a week, there was a 12% decrease in childhood obesity. Eating healthy foods increased by 24%, and eating unhealthy foods decreased by 20%. Eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, decreased by 35%. When children eat meals with their parents, they are less likely to smoke, drink, or use other drugs. More frequent family meals also correlated to children’s greater success in school and better communication skills. The family meal doesn’t solve all problems or guarantee perfect children, but it does provide a regular and dependable nurturing environment in which children can grow and feel loved and cared for.

Even with a houseful of kids (we had six!) and Robert’s unusual work schedule (working many evenings and weekends), we made our family dinner a priority. We had to make some unpopular adjustments – each of our kids was limited to one sport or extracurricular activity at a time. Then we planned around their practice schedules. We talked about our plan each week and expected Dad and Mom and all the kids to be at the supper table at the appointed time. I was a home mom for most of the time we raised our children, so I could cook and carpool and help with getting everyone here and there and home again in time to eat together. Of course, there were times when someone could not be there. This was the exception, though. There was some complaining, but we all showed up, almost all of the time.

The children helped by setting the table, grating cheese or chopping carrots, filling water glasses, playing with the baby so I could finish meal prep. If Robert was home before dinner, he would help cook or entertain the little ones – his specialty! Our meal had a routine – we sang grace, served the food around, and then we asked each one to share three good things about their day, and one challenge or “bad thing.” Now with eight people, that’s a lot of “things” to hear about! Some of us were succinct – “good things” – boom, boom, boom. And “not so good” – boom! Next!

Other of us (no names mentioned) offered more detail. After one child’s 10-minute description of a happy school event, a sibling sighed, “And that was just first period!” There was laughter and occasionally tears; there were words of encouragement and impatient grunts. But what awesome learning occurred – in communication, listening, patience, empathy – great skills for life. Even our dog Ellie cooperated with the family meal. She sat patiently a few feet from the table as we ate, only getting up when we sang our prayer after the meal.

Our kids joke and laugh now about our family dinners. But our memories are mostly good. And each of our children is a great communicator, plus they are honest, forthright, caring and compassionate, and they are outstanding listeners. They were trained by the best – their many siblings!

Jesus gives us inspiration for the family meal. So many of the Gospel stories involve a meal. Here are a few:

Matthew 9 – Jesus eats with tax collectors and sinners, and he tells the Pharisees, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.”

Luke 7 – The dinner at Simon’s house and the repentant woman who washes Jesus’ feet with her tears

Luke 15 – The Prodigal Son and the feast his father throws for him when he returns

John 12 – Dinner with Martha, Mary, and Lazarus

Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22, John 13-14 – The Last Supper

And finally, in John 21, the resurrected Jesus calls to his disciples from the shore of the Sea of Tiberias, “Come, have breakfast.”

One more thought: for the years our children were home, on Saturday evenings we celebrated a Christian Sabbath meal. We read the Sunday Scripture readings and shared a blessing cup / thanksgiving cup. It was good preparation for celebrating with our faith family the next day at Sunday Mass.

At whatever stage your family is, a regular family meal can be a blessing. Perhaps you can eat together five nights a week; maybe only on weekends. That’s okay. Do what works for your family. Maybe your family is “empty nesters” as ours is, or perhaps you live alone.

Robert and I eat as many meals together as we can; and we look for opportunities to include family, friends, and neighbors. Whatever your family situation, the “family meal” is lovely and life-giving and certainly worth the effort.

(Keeping the family meal alive during the pandemic with a winter-time meal outside.)