AGH! HELP! I HAVE A WOODEN BEAM STUCK IN MY EYE AND…
By Robert Fontana
Lent is here and “Spring is in the air.”
Ahhhh, what a great time of the year. Fasting from meat on Fridays and going to fish fries on Friday nights; attending Stations of the Cross on Mondays in March and rushing home just in time for watching the latest game in March Madness; and coping with the last days of darkness, rain, and winter with time for a walk through the cherry tree blossoms at University of Washington. Oh, of course, we pause from the solemnity of Lent on St. Patrick’s Day for some good Irish music, Irish beer, and Irish stew (or corned beef and cabbage if that’s your preference).
Lent is here alongside the rest of life’s happenings. Lent can easily become one of many Spring rituals that lead us to that wonderful Easter Day where we co-mingle the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus with the resurrection of the earth: Easter vigil and hunt for Easter eggs; baptisms of new members of the church and decorating the home with tulips and daffodils; Good Friday fasting and Easter Sunday feasting, with lots of chocolate.
What keeps Lent from simply becoming part of the cultural decorations of Winter as it becomes Spring? Lent has real meaning, of course, only when we use this season as a challenge to conform our lives to the life and teachings of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. This is complex. Jesus is both compassionate towards us in our weaknesses and demanding towards us as his disciples.
Jesus meets each of us exactly where we are in the spiritual life, and invites us to grow and mature, to gain a greater interior freedom to love God and neighbor. Certain aspects of Jesus’ teachings and actions will confront one person, while another person, reading the very same verse, may be unmoved.
That brings me to the Biblical text that confronts me this Lent:
Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,’ while the wooden beam is in your eye? You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:3-5)
I don’t know about you, but the older I get, the bigger that beam seems to be! In fact, it’s not one beam, it’s several beams tied tightly together.
As I have learned over the years, an indication that I have a “beam” or many of them stuck in my eyes and need to do some self-reflection on why they are there and how to remove them, is how I instinctively react to a certain situation, news report, comment from a friend or stranger, etc. My gut reactions that are defensive, that insist on an immediate response, explanation or even retaliation, are clear evidence that the major problem here is in me and not the other person or event.
Learning to pay attention to myself and my reactions to life to identify how I want to change or mature has been a long and slow process. I was introduced to this method in self-awareness while training to be a chaplain at Fircrest, a school for the severely mentally handicapped in Seattle. I was assigned to work with residents who had the cognitive ability of a small child and could not verbalize their needs.
What was my reaction to working with these folks who seemed to be trapped in big bodies with little ability for self-care? FEAR! I did not know how to be me with them. I was worried about doing the wrong thing and afraid of dealing with their tantrums or other forms of acting out.
I brought these issues to my supervisor and small group, initially saying that I was probably in the wrong place. I did not belong here. “No,” said my wise teacher, “you are in the right place because these people are going to teach you to let go of your fears, let go of your ego that wants to accomplish something, and let go of your timeframe and slow down. You are not here as much to learn about working with this population of people but so these beautiful people can teach you to learn about yourself. Being here and learning about your fears and anxieties will teach you how to let go of these so that you can be with these people as they need you to be with them.”
That training lasted for four months in the Summer of 1990. I have been trying to practice the lessons my differently abled friends taught me ever since.
Lent challenges me, not so much to look at my sins and say, “Mea culpa,” although there is that aspect of Lent. It has me asking Jesus,
“What’s the beam in my eye that needs to be looked at and removed in this situation, in this relationship?”
At the end of each day, I try to do what the Jesuits describe as an examen of conscience. I review my day and try to name moments – encounters or situations – that evoked an emotional response. What happened? What were my emotions? Where did they come from? What biases, prejudices, sinful inclinations and/or painful memories do they tap into? What is the Spirit telling me through these moments? How am I being invited to mature, to grow?
Of course, the day may have also presented positive moments and emotions. I examine these in the same way.
It may be that I need to speak to someone about something he or she did that I found hurtful or that I didn’t understand. But before I do so, I want to reflect and call on God’s grace to take the “beam” out of my eye before I take the “speck” out of his/hers.
