Homespun Homily: We don’t choose how we’re going to die but we can choose how we’re going to live!
By Lori Fontana
We don’t think it’s gonna happen to us. Mostly, I think we try to not think of IT at all. Aging. Dying. But it’s happening to each one of us. Right now. With every breath, every step, we’re growing older; we’re closer to our death.
This has become a daily reflection for me over the past year, even more so in the past few months. In 2023 – 2024, a dozen of our friends, people very close to us in our life circle, have died. Some had lived long fruitful lives. Others died too soon. Death came from illness or accidents; a few died from old age.
Very recently, a family member’s health has declined rapidly, and I’ve helped to care for her. It’s a beautiful task, humbling…and hard! From being quite independent 6 months ago, she now pretty much needs constant care – physical help for daily activities and compassionate reassurance throughout the day.
For several days, I tried to manage her care in my home and very quickly realized that I don’t have the strength, skills, or adequately safe environment for that. But her time with us in our home was so precious. We shared laughter, memories, family stories. We put our heads together to do the newspaper’s daily “Word Jumble.” We watched awe-inspiring and silly animal videos on YouTube – baby seals and brightly colored birds doing their mating dances. We went for short walks, I pushing her wheelchair, to see the fall colors and the rainbow of dahlias still in bloom.
Sometimes there was confusion: “Where am I?” “Why don’t my legs work anymore?” “Why am I so sleepy?” And, “God, why am I still here, on earth?”
These are questions we may all have as we age, if and when we stop to reflect on the reality that we will all die. This is a hard truth, but it’s not bad. It’s the circle of life, and it’s part of God’s plan which leads us to eternal life. Oh, we can choose to face death with fear and resistance or even complete denial. OR we can live our lives and face our death with thanksgiving and perseverance. As my loved one pointed out one morning, “We Christians don’t choose how we’re going to die… but we can choose how we will live each day.” And she so graciously does choose kindness and love each day and shares this with others.
For me, it boils down to two actions of the will – gratitude and trust. What can I thank God for today? Large blessings – I live in a safe, prosperous country (with problems, yes, but a good place overall); I have an abundance and variety of good food; I have a warm bed at night; I have loving family and friends. The list is long. And then there are small graces – morning coffee with cream; the hummingbird outside my window; the laughter of grandchildren; a good-night kiss from my beloved.
There now is science that proves that a grateful heart contributes to overall happiness and well-being, and even longer life! It’s not hard to foster the habit of gratitude. Try making a “Gratitude List,” and add to it every day. Or give thanks to God each evening before you sleep – tell God what you are grateful for from the day just lived.
The other habit I’m working at is TRUST. I think it’s a matter of asking, “Do I believe in God or not?” God promises to be always with us (Joshua 1:9); to supply our needs (Philippians 4:19); to give us good gifts (Luke 11: 9-13) and the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:3-4); to bring good from our trials (Romans 8:28); to not try us beyond our abilities (1 Cor 10:13). Can we act out of these promises, through times both good and difficult?
Where are we headed? What is our future? I think these are worthy reflections for us at any age. If we’re realistic and honest, these questions can guide our living, day-to-day. God doesn’t promise to take away all difficulties and challenges. But God does promises love and grace and to be with us through it all. That can make all the difference. When we trust God’s love and presence, we can have a grateful heart every day of our lives.
