Homespun Homily by Lori: Puzzle Wisdom for Marriage
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
So begins a famous poem, Sonnets from the Portuguese 43, by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. These lines came to mind as Robert and I completed a 1000-piece puzzle depicting the city of Seattle. 1000 pieces! There were many moments when we sighed and said to each other, “Look how many pieces we still have to do! This is hopeless. We’ll never get this done.” One thousand pieces – let me count them!
But after six weeks of working on the puzzle, we finally pushed in the last piece. At the end, it looked as if we were missing two pieces, but we found them, one under the table, and the last one hidden in the sofa cushions, as the sofa was pushed up against the table on which we had spread out those thousand pieces.
Why do I write about our completing a big puzzle? Because working a puzzle is good for marriage. Think about it. Putting a puzzle together requires many of the same skills as building a strong marriage: teamwork, patience, awareness, creativity, and checking in with each other: innumerable times I asked Robert, “What do you think this piece with a little red splotch and squiggly dark lines looks like?” Together, we also frequently consulted the picture guide that came with the puzzle – our puzzle roadmap, so to speak.
A successful marriage requires teamwork because marriage is a team effort. If our marriage is healthy, we will have many shared goals and use our gifts to help each other reach those goals. When Robert succeeds / wins, so do I. When Robert fits one or three or a dozen more pieces into the puzzle, it helps me to see where some of my puzzle pieces go. Our marriage has give and take, times when I support Robert, times when he picks up the slack for me. So I applaud each time he fits a puzzle piece in; he cheers me on when I finally discover where that piece with the red splotch goes.
Patience – now there’s a big one.
Countless times, I picked up a puzzle piece, sure that I knew where it went, only to set it back down again in the jumbled pile of loose pieces because it just didn’t quite fit there. Patience is essential in marriage. Why? Because nobody’s perfect. Life is entirely a learning experience from start to finish, and we are learning as we go. We shift life’s puzzle pieces this way and that until finally, alleluia, one settles perfectly into place. Ahhhh, what a good feeling that is. But if we give up too soon, we won’t discover where that darn piece goes.
Each puzzle piece is small and only a tiny part of the whole. Sometimes we have to step back to see the whole picture. Thus, awareness is invaluable. With this puzzle, we grouped pieces into “sky,” “buildings,” “boats,” and “water.” That helped. Looking at the whole scene, we had a better idea about where each piece might fit. At times in our marriage, we have to stop and take in a larger view. The day-to-day routine of work, family, activities, cooking, shopping – these are the building blocks of life, essential but not the whole picture. It is so helpful to take a breath and see the whole of our marriage.
For this, prayer is invaluable, our own personal prayer and prayer as a couple. Especially when the pieces of life aren’t fitting together very well, when the routine is too hectic, too boring, too exhausting – awareness, nurtured by prayer, reminds us that there is a greater reality guiding our relationship and giving meaning to our lives.
I readily admit that between Robert and me, he is the creative one. And putting a puzzle together does require some creativity. He is very good at looking at the “squiggly lines” on a one-inch puzzle piece and zeroing in on the area of the puzzle picture where it will fit. Interestingly, only recently did Robert decide he enjoyed puzzles. I think the isolation of the Covid quarantine nudged him to try a puzzle; and he ended up being quite adept at it and actually appreciating the challenge. Working a puzzle together has shown us that each of us brings gifts “to the table” to help accomplish the task. While I notice the tiny features of a color, shape or squiggle, Robert can see the overall design. In this case, my attention to detail complements Robert’s creativity.
Finally, back to the aspect of checking in: it is vital to a relationship and requires clear and kind communication. We asked each other for advice. We shared ideas and observations. I even let Robert put in the final puzzle piece.
But perhaps the greatest gifts for us as we worked the puzzle were how it fostered closeness, and it was fun! For some time each day, over weeks, we sat side-by-side at the puzzle table. We rubbed shoulders (literally) and reached around and across each other. We chatted and laughed as we worked toward a common goal. It was a sweet time together, time that nurtured our marriage.
Try a puzzle together!
But if puzzles just aren’t your thing, find an activity to do with your spouse that builds your loving relationship – riding bikes; walking in the park or hiking in the mountains; fishing or crosswords or refinishing furniture or cooking.
And, of course, remember to pray together. Couple prayer is the foundation of your relationship in Christ. These activities foster “togetherness” and fun, drawing out your gifts and strengthening your marriage.
